For me, being genuine is an important part of keeping this blog. There are parts of my life I won't share because they're too personal, or because they're not relevant to the things I write about here, but there are also things that affect every aspect of my life, including my art. It feels false to ignore them.
So... no more ignoring.
I'm going through a rough time right now, and I have been since November. I don't want to go into too much detail, but I'm having a health scare. What I'd hoped was a false alarm turned out to be more than that. Not a whole lot more than that -- it's the kind of thing that usually doesn't turn out to be serious unless it's left untreated for years and years. But it's still a thing, and there's still a possibility, however remote, that it could turn into something bad. And the possibility has me scared out of my wits.
Yesterday was a day for being disappointed, then scared, then upset. And then scared again. I tend to project into the future and imagine the scariest possible outcome -- I think it's my writer's imagination. I'm sure there will be more days like that, but you know what? I don't want it to be like that every day. That much misery is draining. And, frankly, boring.
So in the months to come, my task will be to enjoy life even when there are stressful things going on in it. To pay attention to the wonderful things around me, even when the awful things are screaming at the top of their lungs. There's going to be a lot of conscious effort involved, but I do have a plan.
I'm going to continue to throw myself into my jewelry work. Bead embroidery has been such an amazing thing in my life. Every piece I make is like a message to myself that no matter what happens, I'm still me, I'm still awesome, and I make beautiful things. So I'll let my creativity have free reign and really surprise myself. Tackle some of those crazy ideas that have been gathering dust in the back of my brain.
I'm going to do as many nice things as possible for myself -- spend time with friends, have craft parties, see movies, and learn interesting things (including more beading techniques). I'll try to focus on all the things I have to look forward to, like the Bead and Button Show this summer, and Mama Sequin's chocolate coconut cherry cookies over the holidays, and a Zoe Keating concert this February. I'm also going to take stock of all the great things going on right this minute, like this blog and the wonderful people I've met as a result, and my fantastic friends, and Mr. Sequin.
I'm going to work on my jewelry career again. For the past month and a half, it's felt like my life has been on hold, like I've been holding my breath and waiting to see what's going to happen. I need to breathe again. Time to work on magazine submissions, my Etsy store, and a dozen other things. I like to think of it as thumbing my nose at my fear.
Finally, I'm going to accept whatever lesson this experience has in store for me. If I let it, it can teach and shape me as much as that injury did. I don't expect it to be easy, and I certainly don't expect to go through the next few months without the occasional (or more frequent) private pity party, but as long as I'm open to the idea, this health scare doesn't have to break me.
So that's where I am right now. Thank you, a million times over, for reading this post, and thank you to all the brave bloggers and artists out there who've inspired me through their own honest and candid writing. Either later today, or tomorrow, regular sharing of sparklies will resume. For now, I'm to rest and take it easy. And to eat lots and lots of chocolate.